I think this extended spell of cloudy days has ushered me into seasonal affective disorder. Paired with unexpected deaths, the DPC, and other goings on has made me very ruminative. Um, sorry.
Last Sunday was what was supposed to be my mother's 61st birthday. Well, I guess it still was. I think when you first start dealing with death, you convince yourself that you're going to get over it. You know, like thats a natural part of healing. That's why the first year someone is gone is such a big deal. Its for you to start "Getting Over It" and "Heal." I think maybe thats why the second year has been so hard for me, because I started realizing that I would never Get Over It, really. Not saying I don't think I'll heal, but you know what I mean. I don't know, maybe it's a realization that there's just going to be a space in the rest of my life with every accomplishment, every happy moment, every holiday, every anything. That's okay though. Maybe that's nice. Maybe that's the last real way she can be there in my life.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOO that got heavy. I've been too contemplative recently. Why can't the sun come out and stay out and change my brain chemicals?
I think today we should all hug someone we love for a long time. Yay.
