A normal day in the gauche life

• 7:30 alarm on iphone goes off. For those curious, it is the "Bell Tower" ring
  
• Without looking or picking up the phone, poke at screen until the snooze button is deployed and those infernal bells stop ringing
• Nine minutes elapse; alarm goes off again
• Repeat previous two steps until satisfied (note: this will range from 45 minutes to an hour)
• Note background headache. Take three ibuprofin.
• Shower in scalding water, stare at the tile, and wonder if I can come up with an excuse to miss work.
• Stand in the kitchen and wonder if I can come up with an excuse for breakfast
• Stand in front of my closet and wonder if I can come up with an excuse for an outfit
• Leave apartment without breakfast, but with outfit.
• Listen to "This American Life" podcast while going to work
• Make sure to stand in sunlight at the T station
• Get to work. Stare dully at the computer.
• Read work email. Mostly comprised of emails from Netflix. 
• Drink a gigantic mug of tea
• Stare dully at the computer
• Stare longingly out the window
• Compulsively go through Google Reader. She is a demanding mistress.
• Also visit Twitter, Tumblr, and facebook. Compulsively recheck several times an hour.
• Email volunteers re: your schedule, teachers re: their needs, and businesses re: volunteering days . Wait several days for their replies.
• Get cornered by my boss, listen to him talk about things we already talked about."I'm just thinking out loud here..."
• Recheck Google Reader/Twitter/Tumblr/FB.
• Look through vague acquaintances' FB pictures. 
• Wonder why girls are obsessed with how thin their arms look and why they feel free to comment on that openly. 
• Wonder if I could be construed as an internet stalker
• Subscribe to more RSS feeds/Twitters/Tumblrs because dear God, I need to be amused
• Eat Robin Eggs/Gummi bears/candy I found in my desk until I feel sick. 
• Tumble at my own discretion. Today: James Franco. 
• Note background headache. Take three ibuprofin.
  
• Force myself to go outside to get food. Continue listening to "This American Life." Alternately think: oh it's so warm, god I hate Chinatown, why won't you walk faster, fuck it's still cold, and why is Ira Glass's voice so irritating / soothing.
• Check Gmail, because I have been waiting for this moment all day!
• Disappointment: out of 25 emails, 17 are from JCrew telling me there is 20% off of Final Sale LAST DAY!! and the rest are trying to trick me into spending money. Delete all of them. How dare you expose my inadequacies, Gmail??!?
• Idly Gchat
• Recheck Google Reader/Twitter/Tumblr/FB.
  
• Drink another gigantic mug of tea
• Think to myself, "Self, you should update your blog"
• Open Blogger dashboard. Think to self, "if this is called blogger, why is the web address on blogspot?"
• Create several new posts, each one with a different rambling topic. Deleted or archive all of them, because they are idiotic.
• Post something meaningful yet meaningless on blog
• Recheck Google Reader/Twit/Tumblr/FB.
  
• Repeat until escape
• Continue listening to "This American Life."
• Get home. Check mail. Change into PJs. Eat bowl of pasta
• Lie down. Take three hour nap
• Note background headache. Take three ibuprofin.
  
• Watch basic cable while wrapped in 4 blankets, even though it is warmish outside
• Give up on basic cable (can't understand Telemundo and hate Everybody Loves Raymond), read in bed for two hours.
• Note background headache. Go to bed at 11.