Snowy Day

The snow has turned into some sort of fast moving sleet, or "wintry mix," if you will, and my heart hurts inside my 4th floor apartment. my heart will hurt when i get irrationally angry about some little thing, why do i get so angry about little things? I don't know, i get indignant very easily, i should probably work on that.

it would be weird if my middle initial was L, Michelle L Kiang, sounds like a weird nickname, oh also my initials would be MLK.

I am feeling very "in progress" today, very, not all together, maybe a little anxious. What should I be doing next year? I'm worried, I'm worrying, it's pointless.

IL in 36 hours.

Have I told you about my wonderful boyfriend who I am completely head over heels for? I'll have to fill you in sometime.

My favorite book when I was little was Richard Scarry's Best Word Book Ever. My favorite coloring book when I was little was one of the Muppet Babies. My favorite page in that book was obviously one where they were in the kitchen, and I remember being overly thrilled that I could use the silver crayon to color in the pots and pans.

Holy fuck this cross stitching makes me want to slit my wrists.

My poor planning on Christmas package deliveries is causing me a lot of stress. Ughgghhughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

missing umlaut

Season 2 premiere of Flight of the Conchords

i blog about the stupidest shit, i am making an effort to inject more meaning into these posts.

things i don't understand:
(continuing with the last post's theme)

• modern dance
• the ikea commericals with the old black lady
• people who wear knee high boots and capri pants that don't overlap
• ADDED: manga and anime, I'm sorry, I just can't get behind this
  

did you know that the only thing i have ever consistently wanted to be when i grew up was an artist? marine biologist, that came and went. archeologist, that came and went. doctor, that is soooo gone. i can remember when i was eight or nine, going to the library and checking out how to draw books and thinking to myself that maybe i had a hidden talent and i should probably check, just in case. i had boxes and boxes of crayons, colored pencils, and markers and i can remember just sitting there with a piece of paper and trying to will myself to draw something. it never worked.

I think this quote is beautiful, it is from october 26th's sunday NYT and about georgia:

"but the president of america should come to tskhinvali, wrecked but alive, wrecked, but with people who are experiencing joy and freedom."

i even underlined the words "wrecked but alive" when i wrote it down, i think that should give you some insight on how i felt during that time period.

from monday, october 27th, i have written down this string of words

trompe-l'oeil
↓
simulacrum
↓
doppelganger
↓
hyperreality

okay michelle... what?

by the way, missing umlaut could be a killer band name.

I Like Typing

I really do, I like typing a lot. Almost as much as I like writing. I like writing because of how it looks and I l ike typing because of how it sounds.

Things I really like:

• the Olsen twins. Shut up, I think they have style. Or stylists. Whatever.
• the song Drops of Jupiter by Train. I love it.
• legwarmers
• Bill Hader and Fred Armisen
• TL
  

Things I hate:

• the Lexus commerical with the girl who gets the pony for Christmas. That girl is a biiiiitch.
  
• doing this cross-stitch for my sister
  

Things I have been interested in:

• finding a black blazer
• finding a black miniskirt
• black military style boots
• finding a skirt with the silhouette that miu miu dress i tumblr-ed about has
  
• wearing all black, all the time
• turducken
  

Things I am undecided about:

• cutting my hair
• plans for the future

I am in a very frivolous mood today.

I really like this title: Today The Sky is Blue and White with Bright Blue Spots and a Small Pale Moon and I Will Destroy Our Relationship Today - Tao Lin

tumblr?

apparently there is this thing called tumblr, which is kind of like twitter on crack. so i got one because i have a lot of images and things i like to look at and remember and think about. i'm still kind of confused about the concept, but generally, i like it.

tumble

puppy squishing

there is no fucking way this puppy is real. it's martha stewart's new dog and it kind of reminds me of a refrigerator

...

seriously, i want to squeeze this dog until it yelps a little because i squeezed (or squoze, if prefer) it too hard out of my love for it's cuteness



I want to color with this colored pencil sea urchin.

i was going to write about how i hate pantone's color of the year prediction but i'm too tired to get angry. okay. im going to go home and lie down.

One more thing, I'm gonna pay by check

I am sick right now, which I blame on a variety of things.

1) I have been very adverse to wearing pants. By this I mean to work. Not that I'm just going pantless all the time.
2a) S sabotaging my health within the apartment by passing on her germs from last week
2b) Law school (any kind of school, really) is a known breeding ground of germs
3) I started hugging people in a misguided attempt to convey real feeling. Michelle hugs will no longer be implemented.
4) Fake winter. Decide now if it will be 50 degrees or 10 degrees, Boston, I don't like flip floppers.
5) Our refusal to turn on our heat coupled with our very poorly insulated windows. This just seems to be a grudge match.
6) I am a very weak person.

"J in My Pants" is a very difficult song to have stuck in your head, because you kind of want to run around yelling "and I jizz in my pants," but you also realize that it's pretty inappropriate to do that while at work. I resolve this problem by just thinking about that song in my head, dreaming of Euro-Andy Samberg, and laughing to myself a lot. Does the beginning noise remind you of "Scream" by Michael and Janet Jackson? That's what it makes me think about. A lot of different people emailed me "Jizz in my Pants" on Sunday because they thought I would like it... does that make me predictable or just the kind of pervy weirdo that likes songs about premature ejaculation? I've noticed that the Lonely Island boys tend to sing with an English accent. Love it.

The Japanese are Crazy

Look at this gyoza dog... LOOK AT IT



If you're as scared / interested as I am then you are very scared, but VERY interested... also disturbed a little.

I smile to myself in my cubicle

My happiness level is extraordinarily high, and I think I figured out what I'm giving people for Christmas. Uhmm maybe.

When did I start writing UHM and not UM?

So my dad and I talk maybe once a month for about 5 minutes, and it's usually the same old shit. He recently discovered that I like art, so every once in awhile he'll send me something. He sent me a few pictures of old bikes this week, and this one is my favorite



It's called the Bowden Spacelander, from 1960, and it was the first plastic bike. Also, non-ridable. Also, I love it.

This warmed my heart today: Teddy Bears in Space


Look at that teddy bear on the right, jammed into that plastic bottle! eeeeeeeeeeeee! It's so cute and kind of sad and adorable and I love it.

I'm so filled with happiness and smiles and rainbows and fuzzy bunnies and hearts right now it's disgusting.

Love You Slash Worried About You

Hi, miss you pre-rehab, buttoned up, frumpy, adorable, borderline attractive Marc



Promiscuous, muscle-y and tatted up Marc kind of scares me.



PS: I wish that Sprouse's graffiti aesthetic would go away.

PPS: On second thought, Marc might still be on drugs.



It's from Resort 2009, and it's 900 dollars / 225 dollars per bow. Take that in.

Euphoric Typing

The grass so brown
The sky so blue
Boston is really great!

Fine, I ripped that poem off from Big Fish. Also, Boston isn't that great, but that's neither here nor there.

I've been in a disturbingly good mood the past few days, what's the deal with that? As T once said, "I thought depression was your thing." I think my depression just hit earlier than everyone else's, so now that I'm feeling happy and excited, my peers are falling into the "when is my real life going to begin, I've been out of college for two years, my job sucks, i'm in my mid-twenties" pit of despair. Hey peers, I love you!

I sound too smug, it makes me want to punch myself. Don't worry, I'm not being smug, I really do love you, and as S said to me once, "Buck up, bucko." I will mail you all presents of life affirming joy, or at the very least, mail-bombs.

I hate people who buy crappy presents out of obligation. Presents, to me, are something usually agonized over and worried about because they have to be this Perfect Representation of Our Relationship or Something About You. I think bad presents are even worse than no present at all.. bad presents say, I like you, but not enough to put anymore thought into your present than stepping into Bath and Body Works and getting this scented candle with bath gel. This isn't to say I have never given a bad present, I just black those memories out with some of Gob's Forget-Me-Nows. Now that would be a good present.

But anyways, I was thinking about that because it's present buying time, and I'm probably going to give myself an ulcer about it. Uuuuuuughhhhhhhhhh.

I was just in a party planning committee meeting, and I couldn't stop laughing throughout the whole thing because I kept thinking of Angela and Phyllis. Office culture is really weird. Fuck, am I going to have to spend time with these people at this holiday party?

Fact: The agency is supplying the beer for the party, which has been downstairs in our non-climate controlled storage since June.

Fact: I will not be drinking that beer.

Oooooooooh I got to wear dresses and skirts all week because it hasn't been terrifyingly cold. Amazing. I get to go home tomorrow. I love life. I also love gummi bears, but not gummy bears. I think the "i" leads a air of frivolity. I really want some right now.

It's 12:30, no one is in my office, I'm going to go home, make some dough, listen to some NPR podcasts, and pack.

Who would win in a fight between a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco?

Time has been going by really fast for me... you? Yes? No? I think yes.

I've been borderline obsessed with SNL recently, and although I didn't really like the "Everybody's a Critic" sketch, that song that Andy plays when he's painting Paul Rudd is running through my head non-stop. It's so good but also no good.

I yoinked this picture of Paul Rudd naked & pixellated from the internets. You're welcome.

I saw two movies this weekend with T, Synecdoche, New York on Saturday and Hot Rod on Sunday. I think both movies were irreverent but also good. Synecdoche was directed by Charlie Kaufman and Hot Rod's script was worked on by Will Ferrell and the Lonely Island boys, so that should give you a pretty good idea about what these films were like. Um did you know that Andy Samberg is 30? And dating Joanna Newsome? WHAAAAT?

Wearing a dress and tights today was a "wicked retahded" idea. I should have dressed Derelicte.

Thats actually a picture of John Galliano from Dior's Cruise 2009 show that I have had bookmarked for a looooong time because I think he is hilarious. And awesome. And very derelicte. And this entire paragraph was an excuse to post this picture.

My sister turned 33 on Saturday. I slip into my mid-twenties soon. Gross.

I wish I had some Cheez-Its (Sunshine brand ONLY). In college I once ran a sensory taste test panel on regular and reduced fat Cheez-Its, which left me with an abundant supply of orange, sodium-filled, addiction inducing goodness. The bulk boxes from CostCo are the ultimate.

I feel really happy today, with a side of smitten, and just a bit excited. Juuuuuuuust a bit. All I feel like doing is smiling really big while shrugging my shoulders and laughing, it just feels right today.

It's Friday, I'm in Love

A boy I liked once dedicated that song to me in what I like to call, the smoothest fucking move ever. He was a tricky one, and "Friday, I'm in Love", along with some other choice tracks (I can think of another two off the top of my head), always makes me think of him fondly, even after four years... five years? Oh those radio DJs, always such ladykillers.

Uhm, that wasn't the topic of this post. Not that they usually have a topic, but I just wanted to clarify. Maybe I should start having defined topics.

I saw Slumdog Millionaire with JRL in LA last weekend, and it was great, cute story, very Bollywood-esque. Amazing visuals and I think very well put together. Go watch it, I don't know how to write about movies.

I was thinking about homunculi the other night. Go check one out, it will remind you of when you first learned about it in high school. I love how the figurines look, except they kind of remind me of stoner art. In physiology lab one time, we did this bizarre experiment involving calipers and pinching different areas of your body and seeing how it was sensed differently. I so hated that class. I sometimes hate not being in class right now.

Really cannot stop listening to this song: Pale Young Gentlemen's The Crook of My Good Arm. Go listen to it, and then when you are listening to it, you can think about me.

Cooking Mama PETA edition

Big thanks to A for gchatting with me during the day (when he is learning lawyerly stuff and I am mindlessly reading news or blog posting) and providing me with time wasters such as this



I know it's supposed to NOT make me want to roast a turkey, but it actually makes me super excited to have Pre-Thanksgiving Thanks Giving. HOWEVER! I will pass on the same piece of advice A passed on to me: "when you get to tofu, just fucking stop b/c the game sucks then"

EDIT: I had to remove the movie because the death noises were driving me crazy... crazier than normal.

Michael Phelps; constantly setting the standards of douche

Dear Michael Phelps,

Your douchebag clothing is appalling. Please never wear more than a Speedo. Also, let's keep that swim cap on.

Love, Michelle

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You guys... have you been outside? It is cold... as fuck. I am not sure of the actual temperature of "fuck," but whatever, that's how cold it is.

I got drunk with S on wayyy too many mimosas one day and alternately spent my time having meaningful conversations with her and mixing up some nail polish. The resulting color is a concrete gray, and I love it. It's sitting on my desk right now. Because I painted my nails yesterday. At work. After I blogged. Because I do no work.

Oooh check out a picture of my misshapen hand that I just email-blogged to myself. Technology is scary.

In other news, the boys from Proenza Schouler (Lazaro and Jack), have their own small organic farm out in the Berkshires in Mass where they grow some crops and animals... How awesome is that?

Proenza Schouler Fall 2008

Organic Turkeys

Things I currently think I hate but am willing to try again: Pears. I feel like there are only two kinds of pears I have run into. 1) Unripe, 2) Mushy. Where can I find the pear which falls at 1.5?

I was just in LA (more on that later) where it was 92 degrees on Monday, which was apparently a new record, and now here I am in Boston, where it is currently (according to weather.com), 33 degrees... but it FEELS like 23. Awesome.

My desk at work got moved, so instead of being in the hallway, I am now in the slackers' corner office, and I have a window! And I can see daylight!


Check out Alexander Wang, I want him to turn straight so he can be my pseudo gay Asian designer boyfriend. Sigh. We could share basic, solid color drape-y clothing while I try and convince all my friends he likes women and he tries to convince all his model friends that I am cool. You see, this could be the relationship I have been dreaming of all these years - the most important parts being that my last name would be Wang, and we would have ridiculously cute Asian children.


Also, hearts and props to our (me & S) favorite Red Sox player Dusty for winning AL MVP this year, following up on his AL Rookie of the year win last year. He has been our love ever since moving to Boston forced us to watch the Sox / love baseball, and yes, we are proud to admit that we bought our Pedroia T-Shirts before he was actually a good player. Okay, I don't really love baseball, but I do love Dusty. If there is one thing this 5'7", severely balding 25 year old can teach us, it's that sports commentators overuse the word "scrappy" and that a 5'7" severely balding second round, 65th overall draft pick can win the World Series, earn Rookie of the Year, AL MVP, Gold Glove, Silver Slugger in two years. You make me want to be a better person, Dusty.

Song that's stuck in my head and I wish it wasn't: Single Ladies by Beyonce, except only the first line of the chorus, which is, "If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it." I can't even tell you how much that sentence bothers me, and I definitely can't put into words how much I wish it wasn't so catchy.

I have been at work for an hour and a half and have done nothing.

Again with the blogging

I have a problem in my life where I can never just let something go if I even am borderline interested. I've been biting / not biting my nails since the age of 7, I faux-dated my ex-boyfriend for more than 2 years, I've been trying to read a Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man since I was 14, and I keep making new blogs. If I am nothing else, I am a sucker who never learns.

Have you ever typed on a real typewriter before? I have not. I think that is something I would like to do at least once in my life, along with these other key events:

• shoot a gun
• bake my own bread
• have sex on an office desk after he pushes off all the stuff on the desk
• make money panhandling
• get arrested
• become self actualized
• have an intern
  

There are more components to this "Key Events" list, but I haven't thought about them yet.

Hi. I'm Michelle.